Nussle’s “Political Fight Club Rules”

You’d be surprised what one can find when rummaging through a politician’s waste paper basket, recycling bin, or files marked “Top Secret.” If only the custodial staffers could talk, or in some cases speak English, I can ONLY imagine all of the dirt they could feed the media. And Jim wants all these folks either speaking only English or deported? If these jobs fall into the wrong hands, who knows what damaging documents will leak to the press. For example, just the other day, when I was innocently rummaging through Jim’s trash (note: Jim doesn’t have a recycle bin), I found a stack of discarded memos.

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Jim Nussle’s Positive Offensive Campaign Strategy

To: All Nussle Campaign Staffers

From: Above

Date: Friday, October 6th, 2006

Re: The Nussle Advantage: Political Fight Club Rules

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1st RULE: You do not talk about POLITICAL FIGHT CLUB.

2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about POLITICAL FIGHT CLUB.

3rd RULE: If someone says “Economic Freedom Fund,” goes limp, or has to resort to calling the opposing fighter a Communist, the fight is over.

4th RULE: Only the campaign manager and staffers will engage in Political Fight Club. Any comments that may be construed as ironic, hypocritical, or negative must not be linked to the gubernatorial candidate. Political “sucker punches” are not only allowed, but strongly encouraged.

Example: “Last night Iowans across Iowa saw firsthand the choice in the race for Governor is clear. It's a choice between Jim Nussle's experienced leadership, positive vision and principled solutions or Chet Culver's incompetence and inconsistencies packaged inside negative, partisan attacks.” (Nick Ryan, Campaign Manager)

5th RULE: A Political Fight Club round ends when all negative blows, ironic brow beatings, barrages of hypocritical jabs have been delivered, and the Political Fight Club staffer states “Jim’s positive vision to energize Iowa’s future.”

Example: “With just 35 days to go, this race is still very close, but we are confident the Nussle-Vander Plaats positive vision to Energize Iowa's Future is working.” (Nick Ryan, Campaign Manager)

6th RULE: No teleprompters, cue cards, or political clichés.

7th RULE: Regardless of public perceptions, political fights will go on as long as they have to or until November 7th, whichever should come first.

8th RULE: If this is your first night at POLITICAL FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight. Once you step into the ring and go NEGATIVE, there’s no turning back.

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