Thursday, September 28, 2006

Dr. Nusslelove or: How Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Christian Right (Part II of the Trilogy)

Now Playing in a Political Theater Near You:

Dr. Nusslelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Christian Right


Jim Nussle as Dr. Nusslelove & Gubernatorial Candidate Nussle
Bob Vander Plaats as the Quack Surgeon General

Director and Screenplay Adaptation: Jimmy the Hustler

Movie Summary: Quack Surgeon General Bob Vander Plaats, a dutiful foot soldier for the Christian Right, goes completely and utterly mad when he suspects Planned Parenthood is conspiring to pollute the “precious bodily fluids” of Iowans. During this inebriated state and lust for power, the Quack Surgeon General manages to confuse Gubernatorial Candidate Nussle, whose only coping mechanism is to continually change his stance on abortion to keep the voters guessing, thus buying time until he reveals his final, unprecedented stance on abortion. Gubernatorial Candidate Nussle’s perpetual shifting threatens the Quack Surgeon General’s allegiance to the Christian Right, which inevitably induces him to launch a Wedge Bomb into the campaign, claiming his running mate would sign a bill criminalizing abortions in the state of Iowa. Fearing the Wedge Bomb may destroy his candidacy, Gubernatorial Candidate Nussle meets with his handlers in the “War Room” to discuss his next move, hoping to avert a campaign tragedy. The Gubernatorial Candidate’s best hope to salvage his campaign depends on Dr. Nusslelove, a D.C. political scientist who specializes in media spin, political hustlin’, and “precious bodily fluids.” Will the Wedge Bomb be stopped in time? Or will Quack Surgeon Bob Vander Plaats and his “Doomsday Machine,” the Christian Right, succeed in destroying the political landscape of Iowa?

Memorable Quotes:

Quack Surgeon General Bob Vander Plaats:

“Your pro-choice Liberal has no regard for human life. Not even his own.”

“Abortion is too important to be left to the politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Liberal infiltration, Liberal indoctrination, Liberal subversion and the international Liberal conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.”

“Women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence.”

Gubernatorial Candidate Nussle:

“There's nothing to figure out. This man is obviously a psychotic.”

“Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the George W. Bush Bobble-Head Room.”

Dr. Nusslelove:
“Gubernatorial Candidate Nussle, that is the whole idea of the Christian Right, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy…the FEAR to attack. The Doomsday Machine, or Christian Right in this case, is terrifying and simple to understand and completely credible and convincing, especially during an election season.”

“They love me! They love me naught!! They love me!!!”

What diabolical political plan will Dr. Nusslelove unveil next? What will be his next stance on abortion?...

To find out, stay tuned for the final episode of the Trilogy: Dr. Nusslelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Christian Right (Part III of the Trilogy)


Anonymous Count said...

10:10 AM and I still get to be the first comment. Nice blogspot jimmy!

6:42 PM  

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