Thursday, August 10, 2006

Nussle and Fellow Adulterer, Newt Gingrich, Reunite for "Night of 99 Ideas"

I’ve always been intrigued by the prospect of “wife swapping,” but I find the idea of getting together to swap cuckold wife stories even more alluring. Jim is hosting one of his “Idea Raiser” parties this afternoon in Sioux City. To help energize things, he invited former house speaker and chronic adulterer, Newt Gingrich, to join us for a “Night of 99 Ideas.” I can’t wait to be a “fly on the wall” at this reunion of former House-mates and adulterers.

If you’ll recall, Jim was a young congressman from Iowa when Newt, the Master Player, ran the house. Newt’s sexual mores are quite impressive indeed. As a high school student, Newt seduced his geometry teacher, Jackie Battley, who he later married after knocking her up. The affair included night time romps in the back of the car until they got busted. While still married to Jackie, Newt hooked up with Anne Manning in D.C. and engaged in oral sex, which Newt later claimed wasn’t sex because oral sex doesn’t count. This was eventually coined “the Newt Defense.” Gingrich later hooked up with a younger woman, Marianne, and had an adulterous affair with her until he divorced Jackie, after confronting her in her hospital room where she was recovering from uterine cancer surgery and insisted they discuss the divorce terms he was seeking.

During an interview on Fox News, Newt Gingrich recounts the number of times he committed adultery while his first wife, Jackie, was in the hospital recovering from uterine cancer surgery.

Golly, with a role model like that, it’s no wonder poor, young, impressionable Jim inevitably succumbed to the temptations of the adulterous world and hooked up with Karen while campaigning on a Family Values agenda. And he won and keeps on winning, so there’s something to be said about having adulterous skeletons in your closet.

With America's most beloved phallic symbol in the backdrop, Newt Gingrich poses with current wife and "future" cuckold, Callista.

When these two lust-filled minds hook up today, I can only imagine what kind of ideas they’ll come up with to help energize Iowa’s future. I’ve already scribbled down some ideas to help get the party started:

The 9 Commandments Commandment: Have “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery” carefully chiseled out of “The 10 Commandments” and mandate that all government buildings visibly display the Newt Improved “9 Commandments.”

“The Newt Defense”: Add an amendment to the Iowa constitution that explicitly states that “oral sex is not a sexual act,” and revise the Abstinence Education Curriculum, clearly indicating this distinction, so teenagers may run around and indulge in all the oral sex they can fathom without having to relinquish their Virginity Pledge Buttons. In addition, all Sodomy laws in the Iowa Code will be revised to reflect these changes.

Adopt “Three Strikes – You’re Out Policy”: Add an Amendment to the Iowa Penal Code that states: “any person found guilty of committing three counts of adultery will be permanently exiled from Iowa and deported to Washington D.C.” Of course we’ll have to grandfather this law in so we all start with a clean count, eh Jim?

These ideas should help energize the state of Iowa and get the party rolling. I can’t wait. What ever will I wear?


The Straight Dope: Read adulterous "The Ballad of Jim Nussle" posted on Preponderance of Pondering. For a complete list of conservative guests invited to attend future "Idea Raisers" for the Nussle campaign, check out the list and links on "Pam's House Blend."

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1 - Go on the food court. Feel it or not, the foods court will be the absolute most important spot from the local mall to satisfy a woman. Here's what you do. Pick a meals place and get in line for your meal. Despite the fact that you happen to be in line, appear all around the region where by all people is seated and eating. Start looking for a young lady sitting alone, and even two ladies sitting together. When you might have your meal in hand, walk around to where she or they're sitting down and talk to if you possibly can join them. If you are honest and straightforward with them, your odds are rather nice.

2- Do some considering. Prior to you even look at going for the local mall to satisfy a woman, sit on your own down and do some significant pondering. Bear in mind how you could match a girl and what you could possibly say to her if you might be thriving. Contemplate which parts to the local mall you'll go to. Also, you are planning to will need to obtain one thing whilst there, what do you need? At last, bear in mind what meeting a gal in a public location entails. Absolutely you are likely to must start looking for any wedding ring ahead of speaking to a chick, and you can really need to think if it is wiser to speak into a girl alone or just one who is with other people. Finally, you'll have to be realistic about your personal age plus the ages of a girl you desire to satisfy. As in, you are likely to will need to inform on your own being reasonable and don't attempt to meet girls which might be a lot younger or older than you may be, or that take a look out of your league.



three - Request facilitate. When that you are at last along at the shopping mall, one of the procedures to meet ladies is by asking them for be of assistance. Women realize that men have no plan what they are engaging in when they are shopping, so asking for allow will not appear this kind of a ridiculous suggestion. Request help out in picking out a jacket for your self for example. Carrying out so let's the woman know that you just are single. If she agrees to aid you, inquire her other queries as you grab different jackets to consider on.

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