The First Apocalyptic Book of Nussle, called RAGBRAI (Daze 4-7)

I, The Lone Rider of the Apocalypse (alias Jimmy the Hustler), bare witness to the following accounts:

Day 4 (Waukee to Newton): On the fourth day of RAGBRAI, Nussle said, Let there be billions and billions budgeted for bombs and bombs and more bombs, and it was good.

In Newton, Lance Armstorng makes a plea to Iowans for more money budgeted for cancer research, indicating that the current administration cut cancer research for the first time in 35 years. Armstrong compared the lives lost on 9/11 to the ongoing lives lost in the world of cancer: "In the world of cancer, 9/11 happens every other day."

And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

Day 5 (Newton to Marengo): On the fifth day of RAGBRAI, Nussle said, Let there be Angels clothed in hot pink and made in the image of Anne Coulter, and it was good.

One of Ann Coulter's fallen angels mounts a bicycle on a quest to find her soulmate, Jimmy the Hustler, and inject him with venomous slander.

And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

Day 6 (Marengo to Coralville): On the sixth day of RAGBRAI, Nussle said, Let there be evidence that proves Lance Armstrong is indeed a human being, and it was good.

In an attempt to earn her wings, another one of Ann Coulter's fallen angels gathers photographic evidence of Lance Armstrong's human remains to help prove he's human and indeed serves a higher power, the Republican Party.

And Nussle said, Let there be public accountability and an end to "cronyism" and bonuses for state employees.

Iowa Hawkeye quarterback, Drew Tate, informs his coach and the next Iowa governor's boss, Kirk Ferentz, that Nussle has a plan to eliminate state bonuses. Not realizing the microphone is on, Ferentz makes an off-the cuff comment, "We'll see about that. I have an idea where we can put that key to the city of Coralville."

And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Day 7 (Coralville to Muscatine): On the seventh day of RAGBRAI, Nussle said, Let there be an Iowa Alumni Network to track emigrants, and it was good.

Upon hearing the latest Wall Street Journal/John Zogby survey showing Nussle leading Culver by 3 percentage points, thousands of RAGBRAI riders attempt to flee Iowa via the Mississippi River. Before they could cross the river, Nussle's legion of volunteers tagged the emigrants so their movements could be tracked on the other side of the river.

And the evening and the morning were the seventh day.