Wednesday, August 02, 2006

The First Apocalyptic Book of Nussle, called RAGBRAI (Day 3: Audubon to Waukee)

I, The Lone Rider of the Apocalypse (alias Jimmy the Hustler), bare witness to the following accounts:

On the third day of RAGBRAI, Nussle said, Let the Federal Government grow even larger with the addition of a new division to Homeland Security. Charged with the resposibility of monitoring potential two-wheeled terrorists, "Four Wheels Good, Two Wheels Bad" was created and no reports of any path-side bombings have been reported ever since, and it was good.

National Security Agent, Scott Fleming, mounts a camera to his bicycle as he prepares to patrol beer gardens, roadside breakfast burrito stands, and beer slides in an attempt to make bike riders feel more secure.

And Nussle said, Let there be sacrifices to Me and my fellow Gods for everything we have given and taken away from the mortals. Mortal Billy Hutchins offers obligatory sacrifice of Helios's sacred cattle as a gesture to Jim Nussle, offering Jim thanks for cutting taxes for the wealthy and helping continue trickle-down-economic policies responsible for the cow's emaciated state.

And Nussle said, Let the fruits of your labors and the benefits of trickle-down economics come raining down on the meek, and the clouds parted, and drops of rain trickled down, and it was good. Rider, 277890, tries to catch the omni-illusory benefits of trickle-down economics with his bike helmet.

And the evening and the morning were the third day.


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