Monday, July 10, 2006

Jim Nussle Placed on NCLB "Watch List"

It was only a matter of time before the Bureaucratic Regime caught up to my boy, Jimbo, and his education record. The Federal Accountability Department (F.A.D.) of the Bureaucratic Regime finally got around to opening January’s mail. Addressed to “The Voters of Rep. Jim Nussle,” the envelope contained Jim’s latest grades on his voting record in Congress. If Jimbo had only listened to his inner voice, yours truly, he would have camped out in front of the F.A.D. mail room in hopes of intercepting his report card. He didn’t, and now, thanks to his abysmal grades, Nussle has been placed on the No Congressmen Left Behind “watch list". Oh well, not much we can do it about it now, eh? As the saying on the Budget Committee goes, “That’s the way the budget crumbles”.

Jim Nussle fields questions at an elementary school Standardized Test Rally: "Don't worry kids, your scores on these tests will only be used to determine whether or not your school will recieve federal funding, whether or not you'll be promoted to the next grade, and what your report cards aren't telling us."

Folks, don’t let Jim’s .18 GPA discourage you. If Jim would’ve loaded up on his stronger subjects - Budget Deficit Spending, Xenophobia, Heterosexual Marriage Protection, and the Upper Class - his GPA would’ve shot up above the 60th percentile, thus keeping him off the watch list. Because Jim tests well on standardized tests, where the possible answers have already been narrowed down, he’s not too concerned about being “watched”. Besides, Jimbo already indicated he was going to vacate his seat in Congress next year to make a run for D.C.’s next Governor in Iowa.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice gut Jimbo - liven high on the hog lately?

3:03 PM  
Anonymous Nicolai Brown said...

The post identifies these items as root elements in Nussle's politics: "Budget Deficit Spending, Xenophobia, Heterosexual Marriage Protection, and the Upper Class."

Let's compare this to Iowa Dems.

Budget Deficit Spending:
http://www.nicolaibrown.com/iraq/votes.html

Xenophobia:
http://www.ameswire.com/iowa/harkin-grassley-vote-border-fence-immigration.html
http://www.ameswire.com/iowa/voting-record-hr-4437.html

Homophobia:
Harkin supports the Defense of Marriage Act

The Upper Class:
Another name for status quo: when given a choice between the Iraq war with a smile (GOP) or Iraq war with a frown (Dems), there is only one outcome: Iraq war. When given a choice between budget deficits and smaller budget deficits, the result is budget deficits. Given a choice between xenophobia and xenophobia, you get xenophobia. Same with the upper class politics: when not getting a choice in how politicians VOTE -- only in how they represent the issues -- their political programs are predetermined.

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

careful on the side profile shots Jimmy, too many fundraisers with the pork producers...

8:12 AM  
Blogger Woody said...

WHERE IS SWEATY CHETTY'S PLAN ???

STOP THE PRESSES !!!!

Nussle gets low marks from liberal special interest groups and high marks from conservative special interest groups????

WHERE IS SWEATY CHETTY'S PLAN ?????

WHAT DOES SWEATY CHETTY STAND FOR ????

When are we going to see and hear what is in that so-called "plan" he holds up?

11:34 AM  

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