Friday, September 01, 2006

Nussle Wants to Replace “Doublespeak” with “Nusslespeak”

Jim Nussle said that it would be a significant human lapse in management miscalculation (stupid human error) to remove “doublespeak” from his campaign bid for Governor. Doublespeak is Iowa’s unofficial political language and is defined as the language used to deliberately construct, disguise, or distort its actual meaning with the intent of confusing non-doublespeaking Iowans about the true intentions of the candidate. Nussle says it’s time for like-minded people to stop apologizing for telling uninformed voters it’s important to learn Doublespeak. Nussle also said,“To unambiguously explain to voters that they can survive in our society these days without recognizing they’re being continuously manipulated by Doublespeak is a big mistake. Iowa voters need to know when and how they’re being manipulated, so they can actively engage in the manipulation process, thus becoming better-informed citizens and proud participants in a collectively duped society.”

Nussle would like to take the level of political discourse one step lower by advocating his own version of neo-Doublespeak, “Nusslespeak.” Doublespeak implies there are two meanings and Nussle would like to help simplify the rhetorical process by reducing language and political discourse to just one meaning, Jim’s meaning -- or “Nusslespeak.” Internal polling at “Nussle & Flow” indicate that the less potential voters know about an issue, the more informed they feel about their decisions when it comes to participating in the manipulative process.

To help voters become better informed citizens (see glossary) and fully participate in the manipulative political process, the downsized staff of “Nussle & Flow” has created an abridged glossary of terms and Nusslespeak translations. Here are just a few:

accountability: holding individuals and the institutes they serve responsible for their actions, especially to the taxpayers

Nusslespeak: accountability is primarily reserved for the public schools and does not include officials elected to either the legislative or executive branches of government* or corporations who contribute large sums of unmarked bills to Republican campaigns (buzz words: standardized testing, moral obligation)

*This includes extra-marital affairs and/or other biblical sins.

big government: multiple layers of bureaucracy piled upon one another, thus making government less effective/efficient; Outside corporate factors which control all or part of the government

Nusslespeak: friends (campaign contributors) who support Nussle’s policies. (buzzwords: NCLB, Office of Inspector General, Blue Ribbon Commission, statewide education standards)

economic development: luring businesses to Iowa with the intent of lining pockets of wealthiest Americans who reside outside of the state

Nusslespeak: payback time for fiends in D.C. (buzz words: corporate hog lots, outsourcing, tax cuts)

informed citizens: people whose main source of information doesn’t come from FOX News

Nusslespeak: base voters and/or the roughly 49% (or less) of voting pool, who, because they’re informed about all of the candidates, choose not to vote for anyone (buzz words: Nussle supporters)

quality of life: improving the overall quality of life for ALL straight, white Iowans, who are middle-class or above

Nusslespeak: deporting illegal immigrants, outlawing gay marriage, recapturing the “whitest” state crown, transplanting D.C. culture in Iowa (buzzwords: immigration reform, homosexual agenda)

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