Poll Indicates Nussle Will Reign O’er Uncle Sam
George W. Bush congratulations his young pimp protege, Nussle, joking: "We got some kinda Oedipus thing goin' on here, Jim? First you blindside me with this, and then you're gonna have me whacked before making Laura the third Misses?"
3. Ronald Reagan (20%): The Great Pretender made a valiant posthumous run for the Almighty Pimp title, but his Cold War pimp feats, like most of the past, were lost by voters as his legacy was filtered through nostalgic lenses. Let's hope the same thing holds true for Jim's congressional record, eh?
2. Donald Rumsfeld (25%):Due to his strategic "Pimp 'N' Die" strategy in Iraq, Rumsfeld was poised to take the crown, but thanks to the unbridled success of his peeps' spin machine, his legacy was whitewashed. Bubbling with hubris, Rumsfeld had pre-purchased pimp hats to help celebrate his certain victory.
1. Jim Nussle (40%): A purple and zebra-skin striped velour pimp hat goes off to "The Once and Future Pimp," Jim Nussle. Obviously, I knew he had It in him; it was only a matter of time before the people recognized his pimp potential.
Be careful, Jim and company, your pimp prowess has not slipped by unnoticed by the Pimp Tax Man:
Bad Pimp, Bad Pimp, whatcha gonna do,
Whatcha gonna do when Grassley comes for you…?