"Nussle Hustle" Helps Feed Nussle's Muse

The Democrats' new song, “Nussle Hustle,” a parody of the classic ‘70s hit “The Hustle,” has sparked Nussle’s muse, yours truly: Jimmy the Hustler. I remember when, before he sold his soul to the Republican Party, Jim harbored fantasies of becoming a professional dancer. Countless evenings, spent alone in his Manchester home, Jim would play “The Hustle” on his 8-track player and dance the forbidden dance. These memories, along with my years in D.C., have inspired me to pen the following parody based on the Oscar-winning ditty of the same name:

It’s Hard Out There for a Pimp

You know it’s hard out there for a pimp
When hustlin' yo’ money for big government
For the Pentagon and tax money spent
Because a whole lot of bureaucrats talkin’ change
Will have a whole lot of bureaucrats takin’ change

In my eyes I done seen some crazy thangs in D.C.
Gotta couple lobbyists workin’ on the changes for me
But I gotta keep my game tight like G-Dub on game night
Like takin’ money from big oil, I know that ain’t right
Done seen people killed, done seen people beg and plea
Done seen people live in poverty on my big-screen TV
It’s messed up where I live, but that’s just how it is,
It might be new to you, but it’s been like that for years
It’s blood, sweat, and tears when it comes to hustlin’ for big government
I’m trying to get rich ‘fore I leave my D.C. penthouse tenement
Takin’ my hustle to all five corners of Iowa
Prayin’ and hopin’ to God my D.C. hustle doesn’t slip, yeah

You know it’s hard out there for a pimp
When hustlin' yo’ money for bigger government
For the Pentagon and tax money spent
Because a whole lot of bureaucrats talkin’ change
Will have a whole lot of bureaucrats takin’ change

Man it seems like I’m duckin’ and dodgin' bullets everyday
Liberals hatin’ on me cause I got nothin’ new to say
But I gotta stay paid, gotta stay above water
Couldn’t keep up with my special interests, that’s when hustlin’ got harder
Manchester is where I’m from; Terrace Hill is where I’m bound
Where da people’s voices ain’t gonna be found
Man these peeps think thangs are gonna change fo’ the best
They’ll come hopin’ ever night, they don’t end up broke ‘n’ homeless
Wait, I’ll bend an ear for the workers too
You pay the right price and I’ll help yo’ money work for you
That’s the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly pimpin’
Gotta have my hustle tight, makin’ change off the voters, yeah