Money for Nothing: I Want my Net Neu-tral-i-ty...

Big Brother Jim is watching me. Before you read any further, let it be known that Big Brother Jim may be watching you too. I may be paranoid, but I think Jimbo is suspicious of my subconscious musings on this blog. Proceed with caution as I peel back my layers of paranoia before your very eyes.

Jimbo is trying to silence me by controlling my freedom on this very medium. While still basking in his Republican Primary victory on June 8th, having fended off a number of Write-In candidates, which included a litany of dead people who Republicans thought might be more effective, Jim Nussle’s peeps passed the Communications Opportunity, Promotion and Enhancement Act (COPE). The House failed to include the meaningful “network neutrality” provisions that would safeguard Internet usage from Ma Bell’s bastard children, AT&T and Verizon among others. Pretty sneaky, eh? Jimbo tried to distract me by taking me to Iowa, but he forgot the Internet is still Neutral and I don’t have to go through a gatekeeper – the Bastard Children of Ma Bell – as they patrol the Internet borders and take payoffs for bigger and better access.

Big Brother Jim may have been a no-show at the vote, but my intuition tells me Jimbo is out to silence me which leads to my inaugural Top 5 List:

Jimmy the Hustler’s Top 5 Reasons as to why Jim Nussle wants to silence Me and kill “Net Neutrality”:

5. Help preserve the communications industry’s “Quality of Life” in Iowa

4. Idea came to him while attempting to interpret the underlying motifs of Quentin Tarantino’s “Kill Bill, Vol. 1”

3. The truth will set you free

2. Help NSA combat terrorism by imprisoning satiric bloggers in Guantanamo Bay

1. President Bush asked him to…

The Straight Dope: To learn more about "net neutrality," and the latest developments regarding its fate in the Senate, read "Net Neutrality Battle Shifts to Full Senate" in Information Week and "'Net Neutrality' battle may sink sweeping telecommunications bill" in the USA TODAY. Read John Kerry's blog entry, "Stopping the Big Giveaway," on the "It's Our Internet" website. Furthermore you can go to "It's Our Net" and "Save the Internet" for a plethora of information about "net neutrality" and tools to help preserve our Internet Freedom.

D.A.R.E. (Democracy Abuse Resistance Education): Help protect our freedom on the internet and Save Jimmy the Hustler before it's too late! There's no time to waste before the Senate begins deliberating over this telecommunications bill on the Senate floor. Send a message to your congressperson or go to "Moveon.org," "It's Our Internet," or "Save the Internet" and sign an online petition, donate money, or send a letter through these coalitions. (Click links under "D.A.R.E. to Act.")